Feministische Fetzen http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de heart-core feminism Sat, 10 Nov 2018 19:24:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=1.5.1.2 en Liebe Freund*innen. (Hold on to goldene Schnatz-Momente) http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2018/11/10/liebe-freundinnen-hold-on-to-goldene-schnatz-momente/ http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2018/11/10/liebe-freundinnen-hold-on-to-goldene-schnatz-momente/#comments Sat, 10 Nov 2018 19:24:44 +0000 Administrator Allgemein fließende Texte deutschsprachig http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2018/11/10/liebe-freundinnen-hold-on-to-goldene-schnatz-momente/ Liebe Freund*innen.
Viele von euch haben gerade zu kämpfen, mit euch, mit allem irgendwie. Dieser Herbst, scheint es, haut richtig rein und viele um. Sicher hat das, neben allen persönlichen Faktoren, auch mit der politischen Lage zu tun. Mit all den erschreckenden Bildern, grusligen Entwicklungen, bedrohlichen Szenarien, die Tag für Tag wie kalte Zugluft unter unsere Haut kriechen und da wie ein kalter Nebel kleben bleiben. (Ach ja, wie geringdosierte Dementoren, genau.) Wer weiß, vielleicht kommt dazu das Klima und seine Ausreißer, vielleicht ist unsere leibliche Stabilität in der dörrenden Hitze dieses Sommers eingetrocknet wie unser Rasen bis zu den Wurzeln und die wiederkehrende Kälte und Dunkelheit trifft uns unvorbereitet, als hätten unsere Körper in dieser wüstenhaften Zeit vergessen, was Herbst und anbrechender Winter heißt. Wie unvorbereitet stehe ich in einer Jahreszeit, die doch jedes Jahr vorhersehbar ist, die ich so oft erlebt habe. Naja, vielleicht hat es auch damit nichts zu tun.

Liebe Freund*innen.
Bitte lasst euch eure Hoffnung oder euren Lebenswillen nicht vergiften. Schaut euch um und seht, wer alles da ist: Queere Familien, feministische Freund*innennetze, WGs als geborgene Schutzhütten und als kämpferische Barrikaden gegen alles was da draußen brandet, politische Freund*innen und solche Menschen und Beziehungen, denen wir gar keine Namen geben können, aber die alles bedeuten, wofür wir stehen. Gerade in ihrer Verschiedenheit und mit ihren Eigenheiten.

Liebe Freund*innen.
Bitte seht, was alles noch geht. All das Gute, meine ich. Bitte lasst euch nicht den Atem rauben, eure Projekte und Pläne zu schmieden, die das Gute voller, schöner, glitzernder, stabiler machen. Es gibt so viele Möglichkeiten. Vergesst nicht, was alles Gutes passiert, wer von euren Freund*innen, von euch, von uns, allein dieses Jahr wundervolle Dinge geschafft, geschaffen, erreicht, überwunden hat. Die großen Geschenke und die kleinen, so unsagbar wichtig grundlegenden Schritte. Ich bin so dankbar, so viel davon mit euch zu teilen.

Liebe Freund*innen.
Bitte seid gut zu euch und schenkt euch selbst so viel Mitgefühl wie euren Lieben. Nicht weniger habt ihr verdient und es tut weh zu sehen, wenn ihr euch so behandelt, wie ich euch von niemandem behandelt sehen will. Sprecht nicht wie Unterdrücker*innen oder abuser mit euch selbst, don’t beat yourself down. Manchmal kann das der schwerste Schritt sein. Wir leben mit Unterdrückung und so viel kollektivem gaslighting; wir werden die Sichtweise der uns unterdrückenden Position vielleicht nicht los. Aber lasst sie uns aus unserem Inneren so weit wie möglich verbannen und verdrängen, bis sie nur noch an ein paar Punkten ganz außen in unseren Gliedmaßen sitzt, wo wir sie isolieren und von unserem tiefsten Inneren fernhalten. Gentrifizieren wir den shit out of our oppresser’s voice in uns. Nutzen wir den freigewordenen Raum für wertvollere Gefühle und Gedanken, bestärken wir uns lieber selbst – und diesen Raum einnehmen zu wollen kommt andere teuer zu stehen. Außer es bereichert uns, dann wollen wir ihn verschenken.

Liebe Freund*innen.
Findet den Punkt in euch drin, bei mir sitzt er irgendwo schräg rechts, zwischen Brust und Bauch, den ihr nur findet wenn ihr ganz ruhig seid und ohne Vorbehalte gegen euch selbst, der Punkt der wie ein feste Basis ist, an die ihr einhaken könnt, der euch grounded und euch sagt: du stehst mit beiden Beinen auf dem Boden und du stehst sicher genug, zu dir selbst, um weitergehen zu können. Aber für einen Moment bleib nur stehen und wisse, dass du nicht das ganze Getöse um dich herum bist, sondern dass es dich noch gibt und dass du genug bist, wenn du für dich alleine stehst.

Liebe Freund*innen.
Hört die Podcasts, bei denen ihr das Gefühl habt, dass euch jemand durch den Äther hindurch die Hand reicht und ihr euch festhaltet. Sucht die Bilder der Menschen, bei denen etwas in euch sagt: ja! Ja ja ja! Hört die Talks, seht die Serien oder schaut die Dokumentationen, die euch glauben lassen: es geht. Es geht anders. Es gibt Ansätze. Es gibt Mitgefühl. Es gibt Kämpfe, die sich lohnen. Es gibt Menschen, die für etwas wirklich Gutes eintreten.

Liebe Freund*innen.
Haltet in euch Ausschau nach Impulsen für Dinge, die ihr wollt. Wir haben das so oft verloren. Wenn es irgendwie möglich ist, macht das, was der Impuls euch sagt. Es ist so leicht zu sagen; tu dir was Gutes. Und manchmal so schwer zu wissen, was das wäre. Zu fühlen. Wenn ihr einen Impuls findet, der Ja! zu etwas sagt: fangt ihn ein wie einen Schnatz und folgt ihm, er gibt euch Kraft und Mut. Und die brauchen wir. Wir brauchen viele kleine goldene Schnatz-Momente. Wir brauchen unsere Kraft und unseren Mut und wir müssen Lachen und Pläne schmieden und genug schlafen und essen und wir brauchen feministisch Kreatives so sehr wie warme Socken, politische Utopien und einer Idee davon, worauf wir Lust haben.

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jedes mal wieder http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2017/10/28/jedes-mal-wieder/ http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2017/10/28/jedes-mal-wieder/#comments Sat, 28 Oct 2017 19:18:53 +0000 Administrator Allgemein Gedankensplitter deutschsprachig http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2017/10/28/jedes-mal-wieder/ jedes mal wieder

jedes mal wieder
braucht es Anläufe, erfolgreich oder nicht,
kürzer oder länger

jedes mal wieder
merke ich erst hinterher
dass sich in mir wie ein Schalter umgelegt hat,
ein Schalter, der die Tore öffnet,
welche mich in meiner Einzelheit
eingeschottet haben,
die mir sagt, dass meine Kraft nicht reicht
zum Gemeinsamsein

aber
jedes mal wieder
kommt der Moment,
in dem ich wieder Gefühle habe
und Bewegung in mir,
in dem das Gemeinsamsein leicht fällt,
gemeinsam bewegt, trägt, von allein

und auch diesmal wieder
war das entscheidende Moment,
das mich aus der Schwere und Dumpfheit,
Antriebslosigkeit,
gerissen hat
weder das Alleinsein
noch die Gute-Laune-Ignoranz

auch diesmal
habe ich mich nicht für mich alleine wiedererkannt,
sondern
in der kollektiven Trauer, Bestürzung,
Fassungslosigkeit
und des sich Fassens,
etwas ungeschönt Entgegenblickens
in der geteilten Aufrichtigkeit des Moments
in dem wir das große Ganze sehen
in dem wir wissen, das so einiges auf uns zukommt
in dem wir zugeben, dass wir keine einfachen Lösungen haben
in dem wir vielleicht unsere Konflikte miteinander neu überdenken,
einander erstmal zuhören,
in dem wir uns verletzlich, persönlich, emotional betroffen zeigen,

in dem wir zwar nach vorne blicken
aber noch nicht laut rufen, lärmend, was zu tun sei

- sondern einen Moment nur innehalten
gemeinsam sehen, fühlen, was passiert

einen Moment die Alltagsstraßen
in einen deutlichen sichtbaren Moment
des gemeinsamen Innehaltens verwandeln

Mit einer schweigenden Minute
uns gleichermaßen in den größeren Zusammenhang,
an den Punkt der uns alle verbindenden Geschichte stellen
und alles Getöse übertönen

Love knows no borders
nein
Love breaks borders
aber nur mit
actions and organization

no tenim por

wir sind viele
wir sollten keine Angst uns einpflanzen lassen

Verwandelt die Straßen in Gärten des Gedenkens

Steht auf in Bussen, Geschäften, Büros
lasst euren Alltag die action sein
wenn sie gebraucht wird

Sprecht miteinander
über alle Grenzen

Lasst euch niemals spalten

Wandelt, was euch von euch selbst und allem um euch trennt
in geteilte Anteilnahme

Siamo tutte antifasciste

[Gedanken zur Demo in Reaktion zum Einzug der AfD ins Parlament]

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(How to get) Closure and: the Trouble Around Manifestations of Love http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/10/02/how-to-get-closure-and-the-trouble-around-manifestations-of-love/ http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/10/02/how-to-get-closure-and-the-trouble-around-manifestations-of-love/#comments Sun, 02 Oct 2016 16:07:12 +0000 Administrator Allgemein "Getting Rid of the Shame and the Shit" (Zine-Texte) English fließende Texte http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/10/02/how-to-get-closure-and-the-trouble-around-manifestations-of-love/ It was rather lately that I unburdened (potential) relationships in my life from the challenge of proving to me (and to the rest of the world) that I deserved to be loved. This might sound plain and obvious, but I have not been aware of this expectation of mine until I found myself in a place in my life where I could finally let go of it. Before I often struggled with lots of frustration and tension in close relationships and felt like I needed to be chasing after something that was withdrawn from me over and over again. For now I’d say that I am mostly cured of this perception, luckily.

In a relationship, at times you might feel not loved or cared for enough or even disrespected.
Maybe because the other person promised something they didn’t live up to, or violated some agreements that you had or – seeing it as broader concept – they didn’t fulfill expectations you had.

You might feel justified for expecting certain acts of love (commitment, thoughtfulness …) because you ‘put in’ as much and more yourself. There are several pitfalls in this, once because you can never argue on what kind or intensity of affection you deserve from a certain person, because feelings are not evolving from being argued on, they exist or they don’t; besides requiring them probably doesn’t nurture them – affection grows by liberty, not by force.
The other thing is, that most people measure the love they receive in certain manifestations of love, meaning specific acts or modes of behavior (usually of care and thoughtfulness, even if culturally ritualized and not an actual sign of choice and thought – e.g. giving presents for anniversaries). So quite some problems evolve from not distinguishing between the need for affirmation by manifestations of love in general on one hand – and the usually unconscious expectations on how these manifestations shall look like on the other hand; or vice versa, taking the absence of these specific acts/behavior as a manifestation of not-love, and therefore (since you are in a relationship that is supposed to be build on love – usually considered as mutual affection, care, respect, commitment etc.) as showing disrespect, unreliability, breaking commitment or even as a ‘revelation’ of the other’s ‘real’ feelings/intentions: making you or even ‘tricking’ you into being in a relationship where you are not loved – thus to say: betrayal and degradation.
So far in the drama. The problem is: there are many reasons why someone wouldn’t behave as you’d expect, even in a lovers’ relationship, even considering things you would never have regarded as being up for debate, or unclear, or hard to accomplish. Some of them just being: the other person failed; they might have wanted to meet this expectation, but they didn’t accomplish to. That can be bad, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they intended to let you down or that they cannot live up to it in the future. Or one other reason being: they didn’t know you were expecting this – because manifestations of love can actually look different for different people, maybe because they reject main stream culture’s indoctrination on how relationships and love should be managed and expressed, or also because this specific thing just doesn’t come naturally to them. Maybe their love manifests in totally different ways, that you might need to find out about, too. So if you didn’t tell them and if the two of you didn’t agree on that, it can of course be hurtful (and as said before, since these expectations are usually not obvious to ourselves as such, we most likely will discover them when they are not met), but it doesn’t have to mean the other person doesn’t love you (on their own terms) or intended to hurt you.
Things often get complicated when people request their partners to do something, but really mean it to be an act of natural manifestation of love. That’s a contradiction. You can (and if it is crucial to you: should) let the other person know what you expect from them and you can ask them to do that – and they can decide to do it for you because they love you, so it is not a natural manifestation of their love that they would intuitively choose in the first place, but embracing it would still be an act of love; also they might adapt and explore it and discover it as a way of expressing love which works well for them, too. But you can never force a certain thing to become a natural manifestation of love. That is ok, as long as you are clear about that for yourself. If it is crucial to you (let’s just stick to this easy example) to exchange presents for anniversaries, discuss that with your partner and if they are willing to do that to make you happy, even if they wouldn’t care about presents themselves, that should be fine and seen as an act of caring about your needs and supporting you in them, even if it is a kind of compromise to them. But then you cannot argue with them about giving you a gift ‘just because you are asking for it’. If you still feel unsure about their love, then you might need to look for manifestations of their love in other places, maybe they can also tell you if you ask them. But the problem is really not the (lack of) anniversary gifts then.
So this was the part on troubles around manifestations of love.

Now, of course if you feel there is a lack of love, commitment, care, thoughtfulness, passion etc. in your relationship, it of course can mean that there is; at least compared to what you expect, what you are looking for and what you want to go with. That can be true. It doesn’t need to mean there is none of all that. It doesn’t mean the other person doesn’t love, appreciate, care about you in their own understanding. But you have to be clear to yourself about what it is you are looking for in that relationship and on how far you are ready to compromise on that.
Staying in a relationship where you don’t feel valued, loved, appreciated enough over some time can be really damaging to your self-esteem and how you perceive yourself.
No matter how someone else treats you or how few possibilities of change you see – you are always worth everything, you are always worth being loved and you always deserve to get all the love, affection and passion you long for. And you always have power to change things.
Though you cannot require to get all that from a certain person and the one you are with in that relationship might not be able and/or willing to accomplish that.
A lot of us, when feeling mistreated in a relationship, want to fix what that did to us by trying to ‘reinstall’ the respect, care, thoughtfulness in the acts of our partner: when they act loving enough, when they live up to the expectations they failed to meet before and when they try hard to exceed them, we will take that as the manifestations of love we lacked before, we will re-believe in their love and the crack in our emotional foundation will be closed again. I’m not saying this never works. But if it’s a repetitive thing, on the long run, I can hardly believe it to work, ever.
We need to stop running after that then. We need to confront ourselves with the expectations we have and that the other person might not be willing and/or able to fulfill them. Even if they love us on their own terms, even if they say they will make things work. For me it would always be helpful (I don’t say nice, I say helpful!) if the person I’m in a relationship with tells me “I cannot give you this and that”, “I do want to commit to you, but only up to this and that level” or “I cannot promise you xyz, my reliability is limited to xyz and I am only able/willing to put xyz amount of time/thought into relationship work”. Yes that sounds cruel, but if it’s within what I can compromise on I’d be happy not to figure this out on my own and if it is outside of what I would compromise on, it would break my heart, but it would do so on the short, not on the long run and I could move on – so altogether I see it as decent and respectful and therefore as loving to tell me. (Though people I know are very rarely capable and courageous enough to do that.)
Sometimes it happens like that (I wasn’t always good at dealing with this, but I appreciated it by the time I could process it); sometimes friends help you to get to the point where you see clear.
But in the end you have to confront yourself. Is this really what you want? Is there still a way of changing the relationship and finding a place where you can meet each other’s expectations and needs?
The answer might be no.
If you give yourself that answer, you can stop running after salvation in the other’s actions.
You can recognize this relationship doesn’t treat you the way you want to. It doesn’t have to be anybody’s fault. It doesn’t need to mean you don’t love each other; just that you cannot give each other what you need.
It means you can let go of chasing that idea. You can let go of trying to fix things that are not fixable. You can relieve each other and most of all yourself from the burden of unfulfilled expectations.
You are lovable, you deserve all the respect, love, care, affection, passion, thoughtfulness in the world.
You can acknowledge that and be confident to find that, in some or the other way you will find it.
But for now you can let go and walk off to take care of yourself.
You do not need anyone’s permission for that, you don’t need to wait for anything anymore.
You have the power to take care of yourself.

Love can mean to let each other go. To relieve and to release and allow to grow again, growing out of the limitations you put on each other.

Taking some time, you will be able to look back in love and gratefulness for what you gave each other and what you learned from each other; while you will always love yourself for liberating yourself and moving on.

Closure
means acceptance for what could not and can never be changed
without remorse
but with respect and gratefulness
taking the course of your life back into your hands
to finally move on

[021016]

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Motivational Love Letter for my Comrade http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/22/motivational-love-letter-for-my-comrade/ http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/22/motivational-love-letter-for-my-comrade/#comments Thu, 22 Sep 2016 14:57:26 +0000 Administrator Allgemein "Getting Rid of the Shame and the Shit" (Zine-Texte) English fließende Texte http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/22/motivational-love-letter-for-my-comrade/ [… and for me and for anyone who can relate]

“I have to go where the love is and where the love is, is hope of community” (bell hooks)

I will not watch you letting yourself down just because you failed today.
You didn‘t live up to your own expectations at some point, but neither of us does.
To put it even more to the point: it is clear that you will fail at some points, because you are dreaming and aiming very high. But that’s also what we need you for – it is your strength to create visions that seem unreachable to me; as well as to work towards them and – maybe most important to me – to make us work towards them, too.
Because that’s what you do. You burst out into the world with ideas and plans that at first sight seem aiming far too high in my judgment, that take too many steps at once and regard things to be far too easy. But you convince me to take a deeper look at them, you challenge me to name the pitfalls – which means to think about it really hard and starting to engage in the process already – and you come up with solutions that don‘t erase my doubts but show me even more attempts that would never have crossed my mind. You are eager in your plans and rigid about any doubts and barriers and you have thousands of ways ready to get there. Taking 5 steps at a time, your plan might not be perfectly laid out and you might under-estimated how long it will actually take, how much long-term commitment is needed and how many doubts and reluctance of people you will have to overcome. But you are able to create these visions and you lay it out to people and with your charisma, your dedication and your conviction you make all of us envision what that could be like, contributing our thoughts, our ideas and our work, so that finally we together are collectively knitting this project which is developed and build by everyone who gets into it – and you know all the people who have specific knitting skills, so just by bringing them together and make them find their place of contributing their share, you move things forward.
And I am longing for my place to contribute my share in a collective creation of something that guides us to a new place. I need you to help me believe in the possibility of these kind of new things still happening.
You know me, I am all about commitment, not only on an idealistic, but on a very down-to-earth pragmatic reliability level. I try hard to live up to my own expectations and especially to my promises. I am most likely to have the things that I assigned myself to done, most always in time and you can be sure that I have thought things through thoroughly in advance before I put them out there. I am reliable. (Both descriptions are exaggerated, of course, but it’s a stylistic device so you‘ll get my point of complementary enriching strengths, will you.) But I‘m not able to create visions any more. I learned to see barriers, I learned how deep exclusion is embedded in all social processes and I experienced being let down by my community of friends and comrades: once when I was still naive and thought we could build a better world just by letting everyone explore what they are interested in and talk a bit about justice and Utopian ideas. But when I became a feminist and aware of power structures, especially regarding my own community, the fun part was over and so was their friendship and comradeship. The second time I thought I found a whole new world of answers, much more serious and engaged in their struggle and passionate in that, too; but again I felt let down by the ones I regarded my friends and comrades in this and they had their own community. I don‘t want to be unjust in this, but regardless of whom to blame or not to, I was lost in my need of collective perspectives. My close friends and comrades have always been true to me, but all of us became cynical in a way, neither of us felt we could put up with more than our daily struggles of maintaining our tiny structures or punctual activities. Neither of us allows oneself to dream big. We are caught in the middle of the machinery that produces loss of sense and human value. In a surrounding of wealth and shining advertisement, where imagination is buried under concrete and bureaucracy, we are all drowning in depression and isolation.
Call it imagination or hope, call it spirituality or honest love, call it mutual commitment to an idea or call it a collective … I cannot name the thing, the feeling or promise I desperately need, more specifically – but I know taking your hand and walking upright towards that new place, along with everyone who joins, is what I need, to make me joyful, strong and grateful enough not to give up.

I wouldn‘t love you any less if you let yourself down; but I would get to you and come and kick your ass to make your head stop from dwelling on self-criticism – because you are brilliant and your visions are clear. Not free from flaws, that’s why you need me, to find them and – maybe – fix them. But I need you – I need you to offer me a vision to which I can contribute by finding and eliminating its barriers. Because without that, I‘d only ever see barriers and I would never get into a vision. I need to be offered a starting-point from which we can evolve collectively, a starting-point which in itself carries the notion of a collective, the radical faith into its existence, its relevance, its potential success and its liberating power.
Don‘t get down because you sometimes fail. You don‘t have to be perfect, you don‘t need to manage everything. That’s what we are here for, we back you up. That’s why we all look for a collective in one or the other way, to support each other, to remind each other we are still here and that we mustn‘t give up. You can have a bad day, everyone does. But you must never give up, because we need you, like we all are in need of each other.

[<3 0916]

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affection and time http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/17/affection-and-time/ http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/17/affection-and-time/#comments Sat, 17 Sep 2016 22:55:18 +0000 Administrator Allgemein Gedankensplitter English http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/17/affection-and-time/ (((spreads from the center of eruption))) /in all directions of ~space and ~time\ {is present for all times and eventualities} °in one moment° [< --0916-->] ]]> (this should be a painting)

affection and time
work in different directions

_ _time goes linear from one point on and on_ _ _ _

<3
affection
< -- goes back
*transcends*
is ahead of time -->
(((spreads from the center of eruption)))
/in all directions of ~space and ~time\
{is present for all times and eventualities}
°in one moment°

[< --0916-->]

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The Magnifying Glass Technique. Gross Close-Ups on Patriarchal Misogyny http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/17/the-magnifying-glass-technique-gross-close-ups-on-patriarchal-misogyny/ http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/17/the-magnifying-glass-technique-gross-close-ups-on-patriarchal-misogyny/#comments Sat, 17 Sep 2016 15:43:18 +0000 Administrator Allgemein "Getting Rid of the Shame and the Shit" (Zine-Texte) English fließende Texte http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/17/the-magnifying-glass-technique-gross-close-ups-on-patriarchal-misogyny/ [tl/dr: „I think that maybe, I‘m going crazy…“]

Sitting down with my laptop next to a parking lot (because I forgot my paper notebook at home, stupid me), sunlight is fading and night is spreading into the city while I type in one stream of consciousness…

I regard myself to be rather reasonable, patient, fairly rational and socially capable (this might be pretentious, but people keep telling me that, so let’s not be too modest here).
In normal social life.
But as soon as it comes to romantic love or similar intense relationships, I just keep losing my mind.
These relationships can – at moments – feel terrifying.
No matter how calm and clear and self-assured I act in some moments, I surely will freak out in others and I just can‘t make it stop.
Which is especially upsetting since the intensity of my feelings that go with the tragedy I create in my mind are completely not coherent with my rational analysis of the situation.
I know there doesn‘t have to be a drama, and even if there is, what can happen? I can get my heart broken, but I have a whole fulfilling life outside my love life, so I‘m not even so much dependent on that to be working out. I am completely aware of that, but at the same time it feels like this is the worst possible thing that could ever happen and that I just cannot take it and that there will never be a positive outcome or a better perspective in the future …
I am being kind of a different person then: I feel dependent, helpless, ridiculed, powerless, left alone and fatalist.
That’s just not me, that’s not the person I am, it’s a ridiculous, narrow misconception of myself. What the fuck.
And I don‘t really know why that is.
I know, I am kind of obsessed with relationships, especially with couple-relationships or the implications of the concepts of girlfriend/boyfriend and their importance in social constellations (hello to my conservative heritage there!) and even after years of taking these ideas apart in my thoughts and in my social life, I still keep feeling pressurized into these expectations and related judgments and get stressed out over it. And of course I also have a history of unsuccessful relationships, of being let down et cetera … but really, who doesn‘t, and mine are super moderate, too.
I cannot just keep blaming the past if I want to move on and make things actually work.

But putting aside the search for biographical reasons and the consequences in maintaining actual relationships,
let’s take at look at this phenomenon for what it also is:
a method of cultural analysis,
a magnifying glass, giving insights into the purification of the patriarchal misogynist messages which women get thrown at in this society.
Because what I feel in these moments is fear, an irrational fear which is not objectively related to the situation that kicks off these state of paralyzing repetitive fantasies and anxiety.
But whose fear is it, because – thinking about it in calm moments – I don‘t feel like it is actually my own. Not like a fear I created by myself out of my specific life situation or experience or personality or whatever. This intensely felt fear and panic and feeling of being powerless are not really connected to my personal life.
So if it is not my personal fear, not my own, then: whose is it?
And this is where I see the (involuntarily used) technique of cultural analysis:
the scenes and pictures that build up in my fantasy while feeling this anxiety are drawn by the essence of patriarchal misogyny which is transmitted around and through me my whole life.
The interpretations and potential scenes my mind keeps (without requested) providing me with are fueled by these messages that I couldn‘t help but store in my head and heart, even if I‘ve consciously dismissed them years ago.
In these moments my mind works like a catalyzer to these concepts: it kept taking them in and now it puts them out there in a different format – mostly as smoky and stinky nebulous images of disturbance.
Transformed like this, taken apart from the context these messages were originally used in, producing just the abstract essence that combines all the judgment and disrespect and social regulation, limitation and devaluation of women’s social positions and lives … now they just sound so very ridiculous and plain.
Of course they do.
Patriarchy and misogyny don‘t keep working because their basic messages are so smart and wise and complex – they are unsubstantial worthless dumb bullshit, and we know that!
But we – at least me – keep forgetting that rationally knowing this doesn‘t just ‚brush away‘ all the knowledge we have about it, especially since it is hidden in so many aspects and details of our memories, of what people said to us and how we expected things to be and how people treated us and what we felt and how we interpreted our lives…
We need to disentangle that bullshit from whatever it comes up being attached to, over and over again, specifically when we enter situations we haven‘t been in yet or that we haven‘t figured out and ‚cleared‘ from patriarchal misogyny yet.
This especially and frequently comes up concerning love, whenever given the occasion (at least for me), because romantic love and couple-relationships are one of the core concepts (if not the one core concept) to patriarchy and by this to misogyny. (And this of course isn‘t bound to heterosexual relationships only, because all relationships are regulated and judged by patriarchy.)
Thank you patriarchal misogynist society, thanks.
What a gross talent you provided me with.

So, summing up:
When encountering states of paralyzing, repetitive anxiety fantasies, need to disentangle
1. throwing-up-like catharsis moments of internalized patriarchal misogyny
from
2. an actual problem or issue you need to communicate on with your lover/partner/person you are relating to in a lovewise fashion.

Well, good luck then …

[150916]

PS:
Just a day after this I listened to bell hooks who was quoting something in a Buddhist museum:
„You don‘t know how strong you are until you know how strong love makes you.“
Drop thinking only about the fear of being hurt when you love – love gives you power, so take the magnifying glass or just look up and around to find it and embrace it. Because if you do, it will not only empower yourself or be good for your relationship, but using it can transcend you and your narrow limitations.This power can transcend into collective power that will transform what is around you and it will become a force of liberation.

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self-recognition, finally http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/16/self-recognition-finally/ http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/16/self-recognition-finally/#comments Thu, 15 Sep 2016 23:23:03 +0000 Administrator Allgemein Gedankensplitter English nerd love http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/16/self-recognition-finally/ I am
a
paper cyborg

<3

(not only. but it’s a major part)

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Katharsis im Kartonformat http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/05/katharsis-im-kartonformat/ http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/05/katharsis-im-kartonformat/#comments Sun, 04 Sep 2016 23:09:09 +0000 Administrator Allgemein fließende Texte deutschsprachig http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/05/katharsis-im-kartonformat/ Wenn Situationen geschehen, in denen eine_r sich ohnmächtig fühlt – vor allem wenn mehrere davon zusammenkommen – wird manchmal der ganze Panik-Angst-Schuld-Komplex in einen Karton gepackt und möglichst weit nach hinten geschoben.

Wenn der Karton nicht mehr im Zentrum der Aufmerksamkeit steht, kann er so komprimiert gut unbemerkt da hinten stehen.

Aber manchmal rappelts im Karton.
Und zwar immer dann, wenn etwas auftaucht, das an eine Sache darin erinnert. Dann rappelt gleich der ganze Karton, weil darin alles zusammen gewurschtelt ist und nicht schön sortiert darin liegt.
Dann leuchtet und blinkt die Angst-Panik-Schuld-Aufschrift auf dem Deckel wild auf und wir wollen dass sie ganz schnell wieder damit aufhört;
wir wissen auch gar nicht mehr, was da alles drin ist und was da alles zum Vorschein kommen würde – wollen es gar nicht wissen.
Was soll das blöde Gerappel auch, Schluss jetzt damit!!

Aber manchmal rappelts zu gewaltig und dann stößt vielleicht noch was ungünstig daran und die ganze Kiste fliegt uns um die Ohren und verteilt querbeet alle Inhaltsbruchstücke wild durcheinander und da ist erstmal nix mehr mit zurück ins Eck schieben.

Aber mit etwas Glück und Gunst der Stunde sind wir nun in einer besseren Lage und Verfassung als bei der ursprünglichen Abfertigung.
Dann können wir, wenn der Regen aus Panikstaubteilchen sich langsam wieder abgesetzt hat, die tatsächlichen Aufräumarbeiten angehen und die Erinnerungs-, Erlebnis- und nun vielleicht Erkenntnisstücke ablegen und den Panikstaub aufkehren und rauskippen.

Manche Jahre sind Lagerjahre.

Aber nach und nach lässt mit jeder Katharsis das Rappeln nach.

[0716]

related:
ausnahmsweise heute mal ein Link zu einer guten Zusammenstellung von out of action
.

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Scheinwidersprüche: war on holiday http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/04/scheinwidersprueche-war-on-holiday/ http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/04/scheinwidersprueche-war-on-holiday/#comments Sun, 04 Sep 2016 22:44:07 +0000 Administrator Allgemein Gedankensplitter English deutschsprachig http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/04/scheinwidersprueche-war-on-holiday/ Urlaub in Italien
Tourismus, Essen, Faulenzen
und Krieg im Kopf
– Diktaturen, Staatsterror, Anschläge

das ist das Leben.
Diese absurden Scheinwidersprüche sind so normaler,
traurig normaler,
aber nie gezeigt …

holiday
enjoying leisure, doing nothing

can be a challenge

dares me to stand myself
doing nothing

but doing nothing
is so close to being useless,
irrelevant.
But I need to be relevant!

So much should be done
but what can you actually do
when all these human-made catastrophies happen?

How could anything be even close to appropiate now?

I don‘t know.
I am useless for the moment
but I can‘t be of any use right now anyways.


Just hold on to your beliefs.
Hold on to your work for a little more justice and compassion.
Hold on to the faith in love and solidarity.

Hold on to your loved ones.
I might not be of a specific use right now.
But love is never useless
- is it? I hope it isn‘t
even if it can‘t be enough.

[0716]

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no postcards from time island http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/04/no-postcards-from-time-island/ http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/04/no-postcards-from-time-island/#comments Sun, 04 Sep 2016 12:56:48 +0000 Administrator Allgemein Gedankensplitter English http://FeministischeFetzen.blogsport.de/2016/09/04/no-postcards-from-time-island/ noticed I haven‘t published anything here for a long time … well, serious writing happens elsewhere most of the time … but for this rainy september sunday a small nonsense poem, worshipping the past summer…
goes well with this cheesy song of a band my friend recently recommended …

I never had to have the time in mind
on TIME ISLAND

there was a time, we didn‘t really need to know more;

time was precious because time didn‘t matter
on TIME ISLAND

everything was worth spending time on;

time didn‘t pass, it dissolved into pleasure
on TIME ISLAND

[in and out of the time hole]

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