Archiv für September 2016

Motivational Love Letter for my Comrade

[… and for me and for anyone who can relate]

“I have to go where the love is and where the love is, is hope of community” (bell hooks)

I will not watch you letting yourself down just because you failed today.
You didn‘t live up to your own expectations at some point, but neither of us does.
To put it even more to the point: it is clear that you will fail at some points, because you are dreaming and aiming very high. But that’s also what we need you for – it is your strength to create visions that seem unreachable to me; as well as to work towards them and – maybe most important to me – to make us work towards them, too.
Because that’s what you do. You burst out into the world with ideas and plans that at first sight seem aiming far too high in my judgment, that take too many steps at once and regard things to be far too easy. But you convince me to take a deeper look at them, you challenge me to name the pitfalls – which means to think about it really hard and starting to engage in the process already (mehr…)

affection and time

(this should be a painting)

affection and time
work in different directions (mehr…)

The Magnifying Glass Technique. Gross Close-Ups on Patriarchal Misogyny

[tl/dr: „I think that maybe, I‘m going crazy…“]

Sitting down with my laptop next to a parking lot (because I forgot my paper notebook at home, stupid me), sunlight is fading and night is spreading into the city while I type in one stream of consciousness…

I regard myself to be rather reasonable, patient, fairly rational and socially capable (this might be pretentious, but people keep telling me that, so let’s not be too modest here).
In normal social life.
But as soon as it comes to romantic love or similar intense relationships, I just keep losing my mind.
These relationships can – at moments – feel terrifying.
No matter how calm and clear and self-assured I act in some moments, I surely will freak out in others and I just can‘t make it stop.
Which is especially upsetting since the intensity of my feelings that go with the tragedy I create in my mind are completely not coherent with my rational analysis of the situation. (mehr…)

self-recognition, finally

I am
paper cyborg


(not only. but it’s a major part)

Katharsis im Kartonformat

Wenn Situationen geschehen, in denen eine_r sich ohnmächtig fühlt – vor allem wenn mehrere davon zusammenkommen – wird manchmal der ganze Panik-Angst-Schuld-Komplex in einen Karton gepackt und möglichst weit nach hinten geschoben.

Wenn der Karton nicht mehr im Zentrum der Aufmerksamkeit steht, kann er so komprimiert gut unbemerkt da hinten stehen.

Aber manchmal rappelts im Karton.
Und zwar immer dann, wenn etwas auftaucht, das an eine Sache darin erinnert. Dann rappelt gleich der ganze Karton, weil darin alles zusammen gewurschtelt ist und nicht schön sortiert darin liegt.
Dann leuchtet und blinkt die Angst-Panik-Schuld-Aufschrift auf dem Deckel wild auf und wir wollen dass sie ganz schnell wieder damit aufhört; (mehr…)

Scheinwidersprüche: war on holiday

Urlaub in Italien
Tourismus, Essen, Faulenzen
und Krieg im Kopf
– Diktaturen, Staatsterror, Anschläge

das ist das Leben.
Diese absurden Scheinwidersprüche sind so normaler,
traurig normaler,
aber nie gezeigt …

enjoying leisure, doing nothing

can be a challenge

dares me to stand myself
doing nothing

but doing nothing
is so close to being useless,
But I need to be relevant! (mehr…)

no postcards from time island

noticed I haven‘t published anything here for a long time … well, serious writing happens elsewhere most of the time … but for this rainy september sunday a small nonsense poem, worshipping the past summer…
goes well with this cheesy song of a band my friend recently recommended …

I never had to have the time in mind

there was a time, we didn‘t really need to know more;

time was precious because time didn‘t matter

everything was worth spending time on;

time didn‘t pass, it dissolved into pleasure

[in and out of the time hole]