To most of the men* I slept with

oh boy

if you only really look at me
when I lie next to you

if it’s only when I kiss you
that you pay attention to my lips
(ever heard the term lip service?)

if you need to get undressed
to be close to me

if touching your naked skin
is the main possibility to get attention, reaction from you

if you know how to use your mouth
without being able to just say
»I like to be here with you«

if you need to open your pants
to open up emotionally

if your most kind and happy smile
is reserved for my hands below your waistline

if your hands in my pants
are the only way to get in touch

if discovering your personality
is possible only under the covers of my bed

if sharing sensitivity, being vulnerable
is limited to fingertips and gentle bites

if caring about each other
is bound to body care only

if this feeling of equality
just means equal rights to orgasms

… well then
that’s not romantic
but disappointing

that’s not hot
but sad

that’s not mystic
but disillusioning

that’s not really sweet
but indeed quite bitter

once I thought
if the sexual component of a relationship is removed
then the relationship itself
will be of little worth and without real depth.
so, how did I come up with THAT crazy idea?!

I don‘t have troubles
with casual (occasional) sex
(‚outside‘ couple-relationships,
on a rather friend-alike basis)

I like intense moments
this other kind of
communication, interaction

what I do not like:
this so very casual (careless) guys
to be unable to relate to me
in any other, nonsexual way

who think ‚casual‘ means
not to talk honestly,
not to show affection outside bed,
not to lose control, showing vulnerability,
or that anything means anything, in whatever way

who seem so sensitive
and acting as equals in bed
but perform
the hard, easy-going know-it-all
in front of others

no worries
no one will guess you have feelings
that you can be tender, enjoy
or care about someone but yourself
no one will know you‘re unsure, cautious sometimes

don‘t you worry
they will not know
you let yourself go
they won‘t know
about your silent gazes
they can‘t imagine
you asking for pleasure
they wouldn‘t expect you
to confess your secret joys
n fears n feelings
in intense hugs
your moans n tears
your whispers n smiles

they will never know
don‘t you worry
they‘ll never even guess

cause you act casual
cause you‘re the cool guy
in public, they can see it
it is obvious

just me
I‘m taken by surprise again
by this change of habits …
oh yeah, I forgot …

I know it’s easier to kiss than talk
and easier to talk than write
about the intimate stuff I mean

but come on
get some backbone